So this whole life experience is not as easy as I would like it to be. Its fun but not easy. I have had my patience and faith tried so many times its getting hard to keep it. I have faith that all will work out. Its just so hard to rely on faith when the world is kicking you in the shins.
As some of you know Brent and I have been trying to have a baby and it has proven harder than it looks. When you are growing up you really dont know that people have problems with this. All you see is pregnant women and hope that it is you when you get old enough. Its especially hard when your family members dont have much trouble having babies. That makes it really much more difficult to deal with than you would think.
I have had surgery to fix something that might have been causing us to have problems. That does not seem to be the case. What I had was a very mild case of endometriosis. Now that is has been taken care of it is supposed to be better. We were under the impression that it would fix everything, ok I was under that impression. But we are still experiencing set backs.
We are still trying but the emotional toll it takes month after month is not that easy for either of us to deal with. And when I went to the Dr. last he said that there was nothing else he could do for me and that I need to go see a specialist. Wow that kicked me in the head hard. I could not believe it. A specialist. He suggested that I ask the specialist for some treatments. These treatments he suggested are $10 to $15 THOUSAND dollars each. Just for a maybe. I'm thinking no.
Brent and I have been talking about adoption since we decided to have kids. We want a large family and never really thought it would be hard to start but we did not want to have all the kids. So we can start filling out our adoption papers through LDS social services in a few weeks and then we will see. We are still going to see the specialist if my insurance will pay for it but we really want to get started. I think maybe the Lord wants us to adopt first. Maybe there will be a baby out there that needs us and if we have a baby first we might miss out.
Today I have been quite happy which is a rarity for me. I seem to be emotionally unstable at all times. And this time of happiness I am trying to hold onto. It feels good to just be happy and try not to worry about life. Undoubtily there will be something that will change that for me but right now its nice to be genuinely happy.
Thank you all for your support and prayers. Keep it up it seems to be helping. :)
2 comments:
Heavenly Father has a plan for you, Brent and your future family. Things will fall into place when the time is right!!! He knows you will make a great mother one day and so do I!!!
Hey girl- you hang in there! It seems like the more we think about getting prego, the harder it is to do it! Good for you for wanting to adopt- we'd like to take that path sometime too. In the meantime, just remember that you are loved!
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